"You're not Granny!"

AN ANONYMISED REFLECTIVE LOG FROM AN EC UK PRACTITIONER TRAINER

THE SITUATION

Bianca was collecting her three-year-old niece, Olivia, from the nursery. As Bianca entered the playroom, Olivia looked up from stacking blocks and made eye contact with her aunt.

Bianca waved to her, but Olivia immediately started to cry, shouting: “No! Gran Gran!”

She ran towards the miniature house in the corner, and refused to come out.

One staff member followed her to the house, and attempted to comfort Olivia by reassuring her: “It’s okay, it’s your aunty...She’s taking you home today.”

This only made Olivia cry more, repeating, “No, no!”

THE RESPONSE

Bianca kept her distance. She waited near the door rather than walking towards Olivia.

She said: “I can see you're crying. I know you want Granny. I’m going to take you to Granny’s house. I’m going to help you put on your coat and shoes and we’ll walk to Granny’s house. I’ll wait for you. When you want to go to Granny’s we'll get ready.”

Bianca walked out into the cloakroom, pulling her phone out from her pocket. She lifted it to her ear, pretending to call Granny.

“Hi Granny, it’s Aunty Bianca. Yes, I’m at the nursery, Olivia is going to get her coat

and shoes, and we’ll be coming to see you.”

Olivia appeared at the door of the cloakroom, watching her aunt, who sat with her hands on her knees where Olivia could see them.

“I know you are a wee bit worried. You thought Granny was coming to get you today. Her car broke down and she couldn’t come, but the mechanic is going to fix it. So, Granny asked me to come and get you, and take you to her house. Is this okay?”

Olivia nodded slowly, eyeing her shoes and coat next to Bianca.

Bianca then said: “When you’re feeling ready, I can help you put these on to keep you warm, then we'll walk to Granny’s house. We will go past the big tree and maybe see the doggy in the window? Do you think he’ll be there today?”

Olivia’s eyes brightened at the mention of this, taking steps towards her aunt, then she started talking about the neighbour's dog as she got ready to go.

THE REFLECTION

Aunty Bianca felt hurt that Olivia was disappointed that it was her, not Gran, collecting her. She also felt anxious that she might not be able to settle Olivia, and embarrassed that this was all taking place while the nursery staff were watching.

She took a breath and engaged with Olivia slowly, trying to consider how she felt.

Bianca thought that as well as disappointment, Olivia might be a little fearful as she didn't know her aunty so well. Olivia also seemed angry that she had not control or choice in the situation.

By respecting Olivia's physical boundaries, Bianca didn't crowd Olivia or make her feel pressured.

At the same time, she used her voice and tone to create a sense of safety. She validated and empathised from a distance.

These actions allowed Olivia the space and time to process what was happening and 'assess' her aunty.

Aunty Bianca also used 'safe' and known language and familiar details about the walk to Granny's to soothe Olivia's anxiety about the unexpected pick up.

Once Olivia felt safe, she was very keen to talk about all the other things they would see on the walk to Granny's.

Bianca reflected that time is crucial with Emotion Coaching.

By not rushing her niece, Bianca enabled her to process her emotions and move forward happily.