What does adult 'control' over children's behaviour look like in Emotion Coaching?

1. The adult is aware of and 'in control' of their own emotional response in the situation.

2. The adult's emotional 'self-control' enables them to take the perspective of the child and empathise with them.

3. The adult is able remind or teach the child of the behavioural expectations in the context in a socially engaged manner. This enables the child to listen and learn as they are feeling safe and secure rather than fear or shame.

Adult 'control' in relation to children and young people's behaviour in Emotion Coaching is mostly to do with adult self-control linked to their emotional awareness.

PHASE 1 - DEVELOPING YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

Before you (an adult) can control your own emotions, you need to understand what you are feeling and why.

1. Practice naming your emotions. Actively label your emotions as you experience them, e.g. I am feeling anxious rather than just " I feel bad". Naming emotions activates your brain's thinking processes and reduces the intensity of the feeling.

2. Identify physical cues: Emotions are felt in the body before they are recognised in the mind. Pay attention to physical indicators like a tight jaw, rapid heart rate, sweaty palms or chur

   ning stomach.

3. Identify triggers: Try and work out which situaiotns, people or environments trigger difficult emotioanl reactions for you.

4. Practice self-compassion: avoid judging or punishing yourself for having diffiuclt emotions.

5. Acknowledge them without criticism, as if watching them flow by. Mostly the stong emoiton will pass on.

PHASE 2 - DEVELOPING SELF-CONTROL

Once you are aware of your emotions you can take steps to manage how you respond to them. Some things to try include:

1. STOP - BREATHE - REFLECT - CHOOSE

When you feel an intense emotion

STOP your immediate reaction

BREATHE -Take deep slow breaths to calm your nervous system

REFLECT - Consider the consequencs of your potential resposne.

CHOOSE - Consciously select a resposne that loeads to a postive outcome for you and others.

2. REFRAMING THOUGHTS

Change how you interpret a situation to change the way you fell about it.. For example if your children start whining they don't want to go grocery shopping, rather than thinking

"Why me? Noone helps me. Why do I have to take them all the time to the shops? The children are making my life diffiuclt., I need to go to the shops to buy food for their lunches. You children are making it hard for me, can't we just be good and get it done!" and then feeling annoyed and full of self-pity.

This could be reframed as:

"Grocery shopping is not fun for the children. This is not something they want to do. If I was an adult and didn't want to do something like shopping, I often have the option of not doing it. The children don't have that option.

3. TAKE A TIME-OUT

If an emotion is too overwhelming, remove yourself from the situaiton temporarily jto calm down before returning to it.

4. USE "I" STATEMENTS

When discussing difficult emotions use "I' statements to express your needs without blaming others e.g. " I am feeling annoyed" instead of "you are annoying me"

5. PRACTICE MINDFULNESSS

Regular midnfulnesss exercises or meditation help you stay grounded in the present moment, allowing you to observe your emotions without being consumed by them.

DAILY PRACTICE CHECKLIST

1. Check-in with yourself : Ask "What am I feeling right now?" several times a day.

2. Observe without judgement: watch your emotions as if you are a fly on the wall.

3. Pause before responding: Give yourself time to think before acting.

4. Use positive affirmations: remind yourself that you have control over your reactions.