INSIDE THE HEAD OF A FRAZZLED MUM

When dealing with children and young people we may be aware of the benefits of remaining calm. This can be hard! Especially in the moments of busy family life or classrooms. Reframing or changing our thoughts that help fuel our feelings can change the way we feel about a situation. Reframing or changing those thoughts can help us to feel calm and then respond in a more balanced manner.

BACKGROUND

Hannah, a mum of three children aged 6, 4 and 2 recalls:

'When I started vacuuming the house one morning after school and child care drop off I came to the untidy chaotic looking playroom. There was stuff EVERYWHERE! My heart started pumping fast, my cheeks felt warm, my face furrowed into a frown and hands gripped the vacuum strongly. I felt annoyed at my children and partner and felt very, very sorry for myself. A torrent of thoughts started swirling through my head.

"No one listens to me around here"

"No one cleans their mess, I'm the one who has to clean this mess up"

"Poor me, I'm here on the one day when there are no children home and I'm stuck cleaning up their mess"

"I need to get the vacuuming done"

"I'm doing this because no one else is doing this" .'

Hannah says she could have remained angry all day by this situation.

REFRAMING

Hannah tried to see the chaotic playroom from her children's perspective"

"They had only finished building the castle and it had taken them ages"

"This castle means something to them, they were proud of it"

"They were probably looking forward to looking at it again once home from school"

"If I tidy up the magnetic tiles, the children will be unhappy that I hadn't valued their castle and had destroyed it"

Hannah mentioned that by looking at the situation from her children's point of view helped to calm her and think in a less angry and annoyed way. She was able to stop her initial thoughts from being so dominant by reframing the situation .

RESULT

Hannah said she started to be able to work out how to balance her need (to vacuum) versus her children's achievement (the castle in amongst lots of other playthings).

"It looks like chaos to me but for my children it's something they have just built"

"Is it worth taking down the castle, destroying something they have made and making them unhappy".

Rather than tidy up the playroom and vacuum it, Hannah decided to wait and make a plan with her children when they came home. Hannah wanted her children to understand perspectives other than their own in a guilt and shame free manner. She wanted the children and herself to come up with a plan together to balance the things each person needed and wanted. For today, vacuuming the playroom could wait.

CALMING BY REFRAMING THOUGHTS

• As always, STOP yourself for a moment.

• Try and view the infuriating situation from the perspective of the child.

• By changing how you interpret a situation it is easier to change the way you feel about it.

• Thoughts and feelings about a situation are linked and influence how we behave.

• We CAN have some influence over our thoughts!