HIDE AND SEEK - THE 'ICEBERG' OF EMOTIONS

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AN ANONYMISED REFLECTIVE LOG FROM AN ECUK PRACTITIONER TRAINER

Can you see demonstrations of the social engagement system, mirroring, empathising and validation in this interaction?

Hannah was called into a class to support Thomas, who was not following the instructions

given by the teacher. Hannah was feeling frustrated and aggravated due to prior situations

engaging with Thomas.

When Hannah arrived at the classroom, she found that Thomas was pacing the room with his

hands pressed on his head.

“I need five minutes, just let me take five minutes,” he repeated, agitated.

The teacher spoke up, “You need to sit down and listen! It’s breaktime in ten minutes, you can take five minutes then. You’re disturbing everyone else.”

Hannah approached Thomas calmly, and expressed that she could see he was finding the situation

difficult.

“Shut up, you can’t help me,” Thomas responded bitterly.

“Could you come and sit at the desk by the door?” Hannah asked, wanting to understand what was causing him distress.

Thomas made his way to the desk and sat down reluctantly.

They then had a conversation about what Thomas was feeling, and Hannah validated his emotions.

“I really want to listen to you and understand, so I can help you,” she shared. Hannah told the

teacher that she was going to take Thomas to a quiet, calmer space, and he followed her out

of the classroom.

Once in the safer space, it was apparent that Thomas was connecting to Hannah and feeling safe with her as he began to mirror her tone and body language. This allowed him to become physically and emotionally calm.

By continuing an empathic conversation, Hannah found out that Thomas had been finding another student in class very frustrating. The other student had been making comments about the house fire that had happened to Thomas’s family.

Thomas shared that he had lost his kitten in the fire, which had really upset him.

“It must have been really difficult to have not only lost your possessions to a fire, but also your kitten,” said Hannah.

She then shared that she had pets before and lost them, and could understand the devastation of losing them, as they are family members.

Thomas began to ask questions about Hannah's past pets, and how she had felt.

“Do you have the ashes?” he asked.

Hannah could see Thomas's facial expressions were becoming softer and his breathing had slowed, as shared her observations and experience with him.

It wasn't long before Thomas felt much calmer, and eventually asked: “Can I go to break with the others?” *

In Emotion Coaching, we use the image of the 'iceberg' where behaviours are the 'tip', showing that a child is struggling with how they're feeling 'underneath'.

Hannah reflected that in this case, the teacher responded just to Thomas's initial behaviour, rather than being curious about where his emotional response was coming from.

By giving Thomas the time and space outside the classroom, Hannah de-escalated his behaviour and allowed him to calm down and feel heard.

Underneath his aggressive, disruptive behaviour, Thomas was struggling with grief and loss, and once that was acknowledged he was able to move forward with his day.